Finnley reflections (2020)

I have not written much of anything in years, I suppose I just didn't have the heart to. I often wanted to write, and would get the computer out and open it up in order to begin, but then I just could not write. I don't really know that I would call it writer's block; I don't consider myself a writer and, in any 


case, it was more like broken heart syndrome. Yesterday I watched the Netflix documentary on Shania Twain and honestly it spoke to me a great deal. I never realized who she was, really. Basically, a strong woman who speaks her mind and ended up living in Europe and divorced after having a kid and just kept having to pick up the pieces and keep going, many different times. This is not meant to be a blog about her story; rather it is a testimony to the power of stories and honesty. What it means when you hear a story about what someone went through and you can relate to that; there are no words to describe the way that that can change you forever. Here is an entry that I found today, I never published it. The emotions of love for my son and the agony of any separation from him and feeling like I was to blame for breaking up his home... they were so intense. I could barely breathe so many times. Finally when I read this today it didn't hurt, and was only adorable and heart wrenching in a bearable manner. Time and love really do begin to heal wounds, if we let them.


June 28, 2020


Wow, I feel like I can breath again. I have been wanting to write for ages but just didn't have the heart to. Everyday, or every third day when we have Finn, I want to record all the anecdotes of adorable and smart and funny things that he does, but of course I make no move to write. The only record of his life up until now - he turned 3 and a half on June 19, are the multitude of messages I sent to Dave and to Kim and sometimes my mom. I need to go back through those and do some copy pasting, then I can salvage some of the moments for posterity.

Lately he came in our bedroom one morning where I was trying to get some more sleep - he still wakes up really early and now it is summer in Sweden so it is hard to go to bed early; and he had found his other viola bow. So he was like "mommy, look, I found two viola bows!" and it was adorable. And then he brought me out of bed because he wanted to learn the names of the parts of the viola. Then he showed me that he had taken down my music bag that has "Austria" written on it, with a picture of a violin and bow and also of all the parts with their definitions written down beside the depictions. He wanted to take that and also his viola and my viola and my violin and my two bows and his two bows... and talk about and learn all the parts. From that morning he now knows "bridge, fingerboard (hand), tuning pegs (big), scroll (scrwall), (cont. now in 2022) all the strings, the f holes I think and more. 

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